The Silence And Shame

TheDisicpleMD

We live in a world where public interaction has always been an essential part of our lives. Be it in our jobs, church, or even our homes.  Over the years, I have spoken to countless individuals who are suffering from anxiety, depression, and a host of other disorders. Some of my church’s faithful members do all they can to keep the commandments and obey the gospel principles. Despite faith and priesthood blessings, their illnesses remain. Sometimes, their illness causes them to have shame and self-loathing. Their stories are heartbreaking, and though often filled with pain, their hope and faith are something to admire.

“How many people in your circle of friends are suffering from some form of mental illness? One? Two? None? Chances are good that your estimate is too low.

A major study by the National Institute of Mental Health suggests that as many as 20 percent of adult Americans suffer from a disabling mental disorder. The most serious and chronic of these disorders—schizophrenia, manic-depression, and chronic major depression—often require hospitalization and medication. In fact, serious mental disorders fill more hospital beds in the United States than cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and arthritis combined. But milder forms of clinical depression and severe anxiety can also disrupt individual and family lives and require professional treatment. (See “How Many Are Suffering?” p. 53. Jan Underwood Pinborough, “Mental Illness: In Search of Understanding and Hope,” Ensign, Feb 1989, 51) With the addition of COVID-19 issues and other stresses of modern life, I’m sure the numbers have increased dramatically since this article was published.

As a young father of 4 small children, I was horrified when a new neighbor who had moved in next door to us would often stand outside on his front porch and scream obscenities. Not at anyone in particular, just to the wind. My wife was frightened when this would happen, and if the children were outside playing, she would hurriedly rush outside and gather them into the house. It was of great concern to us, and we were not particularly friendly to the single middle-aged man who had moved next door. We kept to ourselves, and I can’t recall actually talking with him the year or so we were neighbors. I later found out from a neighbor that he suffered from Terrets syndrome. I guess that was a symptom of the disability. If I had understood his plight, I could have better handled the situation with a little more love, rather than fear.

As we go through life, we face many of the challenges of this mortal life. The human body, with all its imperfections, including mental, is undoubtedly one of them. If mental illness, in all its forms, hasn’t personally touched us, we will surely have a loved one who will suffer from such an affliction. I hope that each of us will try to overcome the tendency to judge and condemn others who suffer such pain. I pray that we have overcome the tendency to judge those suffering. I know there was much condemnation of those who suffered from such disabilities in decades past. Most of which came from misunderstanding and misinformation. So much so that  I have found that many suffer in silence because of undeserved shame; they walk the lonely road often alone. Do as the Savior would do when in doubt: love and lift!

The day may come when Mental Illness will take residency in our bodies, but our souls are ‘of a different matter.’ And even though most of us understand that the Lord loves us, we will still look for the outstretched arms of others for support. May the Lord bless us with the wisdom, courage, and strength to persevere such trials, be we the lonely traveler or the loving “Good Samaritan” who is charged to help those where mental illness has established a temporary residency! To those who suffer, you are not alone!

“Please Choose Someone Else!”

TheDisicpleMD

We all remember playing team games as children. Whether in school or in pickup games around the neighborhood, you always wanted to be chosen first by the team captains. Being “chosen” early is something of an honor. No one wanted to be left standing alone as the last pick. What an insult! While being “chosen” was certainly an honor, it did carry with it some pressure. After all, being “chosen” first meant that you were supposed to be the best. Many years ago, a number-one pick of the National Football League didn’t pan out. Now, his name is synonymous with failure. Clearly, being the chosen one has its benefits, but with it comes high expectations.

My wife and I had the pleasure of attending “Fiddler on the Roof” at the local theater this past weekend. It was a wonderful experience. I recommend the play to all. One of the most memorable lines from the play is uttered by Tevia, the patriarch of his Jewish family. In the middle of celebrating the match of his oldest daughter, he is given the bad news of impending danger for the town. In his despair, he looks to heaven and says, “Dear God. Did you have to send me news like that today of all days? I know, I know we are the chosen people. But once in a while, can’t you choose someone else?”

I recall thinking the same thing as a young man about following Jesus Christ.  Sometimes I would think about how hard it was to be a member of His church. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be like many of my friends? They didn’t seem to have the pressure of living up to any moral or ethical code. Deep down, I was grateful, but occasionally I would raise my voice to the heavens as did Tevia, lamenting my “chosen” status. I would venture to say that all of us have felt that way from time to time. On bright sunny days, as we pull our cars out of the driveway and head to church meetings, we spy our neighbors working in the yard, loading up the boat, or heading for a picnic. I don’t think it is too unusual to temporarily lose sight of “being chosen” and do a bit of coveting. While this may not be right, it is completely human. It’s common to feel the pressure of being “chosen”. Even Christ himself, feeling the weight of his “choiceness”, raised his voice to heaven with lament. The scriptures record:

“Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder. And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy. Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matt. 26:36-39)

Over the centuries, those who have been chosen of Christ have always borne a heavy burden.  All true followers of Christ be they in or out of our church, pay a price for being “chosen”.  Throughout this earthly timeline  I am sure all of the prophets have had moments of reflection and have wondered about the blessings of being the “chosen” one. But we must always keep in mind the admonition of the Savior to the apostles when he said;

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you…” (John 15:16). Like the captain of a team, the Lord has reached out and picked us, not the other way around. What an honor it is to be “chosen”. And while the burden might be heavy at times, it is reward enough to hear the words spoken by the Lord to the apostles, but meant for us all; “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends…” (John 15:14-15).

What a wonderful blessing it is to know that the Lord calls his “chosen” ones friends and that He will not let us fail if we follow His commandments. Although “Please choose someone else!” may occasionally cross our minds, let’s remember never to let it settle in our hearts

Happy Definition

It’s been years, but the sticky note still sits prominently attached to my car dashboard. It’s the definition of happiness that our oldest grandchild wrote for my wife and me. It was written during the COVID shutdown, when we all became ‘recluses,’ and she and her family weren’t able to come over. When finally she and her family were able to come over and share Sunday dinners together, she gave my wife and me this note. I look at that message every day, and it always brings a smile to my face. It reads:

“HAPPY DEFINITION: Being able to see our amazing grandparents.”

The phraseology of that somehow captures my heart. A happy family life is a primary goal, not only in mortality but also in the eternities. Recognizing our limitations because of the agency of others, Henry B. Eyring once said:

“We cannot control what others choose to do, and so we cannot force our children to heaven, but we can determine what we will do. And we can decide that we will do all we can to bring down the powers of heaven into that family we want so much to have forever.”

I’m not sure about you, but there seems to be nothing more universal than the desire to come from a home of love and have a family. Oftentimes, when a loving family is not provided, other imitations take its place, such as gangs, clubs, political associations, and various groups. None seems to foster the genuine love that we all seek.

If you come from a ‘good family,’ as my granddaughter wrote, ‘It’s amazing!’ And if you don’t come from a family of love, try to create one. Over the years, I have met many individuals who have not come from the ideal home, who have turned the unsteady family life of their youth into loving and wonderful homes. I call them ‘bridge builders’, because they provide a bridge from a less-than-ideal background into a peaceful and loving environment for their offspring. I have observed that when you put your heart and trust in the Lord, and find a mate who shares that goal, happiness is not guaranteed, but it is much more attainable and probable with a foundation built upon the rock of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

A Funeral For Lazarus

TheDiscipleMD

A number of years ago I attended the funeral of my Uncle. He has been in ill health for many, many years. Countless members of his family traveled long distances to pay their respects. His funeral was filled with beautiful music and testimonies from loved ones of his life. During most of his mortal time on earth, my uncle has suffered from the symptoms of Diabetes. He had several organ transplants, including his kidney and pancreas. On more than one occasion, he appeared to be near death, only to recover and continue onward. His victory over death went on for decades. Even so, he was still a relatively young man of sixty-eight when he passed away. In cheating death so often, he was affectionately given the nickname “The Lazarus Man” by my family. And although over the years, he won each battle over death, in the end, he lost the war. The day of a funeral even comes for Lazarus!

Perhaps you remember the story of the Biblical Lazarus whom my Uncle was warmly nicknamed. He was a follower of Jesus, as were his sisters Martha and Mary. His story is found in the eleventh chapter of John.

“Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha… Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus…Then when Jesus came, he found that he (Lazarus) had lain in the grave four days already…Jesus saith unto her (Martha), Thy brother shall rise again. Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life, he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this? She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world” (John 11:1,5, 23-27)

The scriptural account then goes on to record that Jesus called Lazarus forth from the tomb. Lazarus, though expired four days, comes forth from the land of the dead to live again. This miracle is symbolic of Christ’s power over death. Not just the physical, but also the spiritual! Lazarus the man is mentioned, by name, only once more in the scriptural records. But there are traditions of varying accounts as to the outcome of his life. The date of his “second” death is uncertain. But this much is for sure, there was another funeral held for Lazarus.

As I sat in the pews, I was again reminded of the fragile nature of this life. I know that someday a funeral service will be held for me. That date is out there. Time and place to be revealed! As I looked around and saw the wet eyes, and rolling tears on those who loved my Uncle, it was clear to me that the words spoken by my Father, like many others at such services, were true. He testified that the only hope we have, is our hope in the power of the resurrection, as made possible by our Savior. In this we gain some comfort. It is a terrible thing to lose a loved one. It is an emptiness that can best be described only by those who have experienced it. It is a void that will not be satisfied, and cannot be filled till “that” day! “That” day is the day of resurrection as promised by the Lord. It is on “that” day when the emptiness and loneliness will end for those that suffer from the gulf of separation. “The day of resurection may be far off, but it is getting closer by the minute. It is getting closer because “that” day exists! It is real and it is made possible by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who suffered and died for us so that we might live again.

Lazarus may have been the only man to have had two funeral services. Others, like my Uncle, may have put off that service for years. But, in the end, a service has been held, or will be held for all who have walked this earth. Our physical bodies will lie in a box. To be deposited in the ground, becoming “dust!” I shudder to think that that will be the end of who I am, or that of everyone I have ever loved. I know it isn’t! I know that through the sacrifice of our Savior, I will live again. You will live again! We are eternal! Thanks be to a loving Father who designed a plan whereby we can live together, with our loved ones, in His presence for eternity. I believe this to be true and know it is so in my heart!