I Don’t Love My Husband Now And I Certainly Don’t Want Him In The Eternities!


“I don’t love my husband now and I certainly don’t want him in the eternities! I don’t think it is fair that I have to be with him there!”

That was the emotional statement by a woman that she spoke to me over thirty years ago.  I knew her husband well, and I could certainly see why she would say such a thing. He did have his faults. But I was amazed that she thought she was trapped with this man, forever. So, in response, I asked her this question: ” Do you think that when judgement day comes that the Lord will demand that you spend eternity with a man you don’t love or respect?” She mumbled that she didn’t think it would be fair. I asked her, “Do you think if you and your husband were both worthy of being in the Celestial Kingdom come judgement, that changes will have to have occurred prior to that day?” She blankly stared back at me. I continued, ” If your husband is found worthy to be in the Celestial Kingdom, he will need to make changes, just as all of us will. If he qualifies he will have become the man you have always wanted him to become. If he is not worthy to enter, and you are, you will not be bound to him.”

Suddenly, the rope that she felt so tightly around her neck, started to loosen.  She had been so distraught by the thought that she would be yoked to her husband and an unhappy life for all eternity. After our conversation I think she left with a different perspective on her marriage. She walked away from our conversation with hope that if she lived her life according to the gospel principles, that her eternal reward could be filled with happiness.  She left with a broader look on the eternities! Agency is an eternal principle, and no one will be ‘forced’ to be an eternal partner with another. Yet, truth be told, I’m certain that she had also been a contributing factor in sabotaging their marriage.  However, like many of us, she found  that it was easier to see her partners faults while overlooking her own.

It is important to remember that we can only control our own agency. Saying a few words at the altar doesn’t give us the power to change our spouse. They and we, must choose to follow the Lord voluntarily. The eternal marriage covenant is based upon the willingness of both parties to follow the commandments and live celestial lives. If not, the covenant is not going to be enforced in the eternities. So, like this sister, we should pattern our lives after the Saviors while lovingly supporting and encouraging  our spouses to do the same. In the end, if both the husband and wife follow the Savior they will become like Him. And if given the opportunity to be sealed to one like the Savior, we will jump at the chance. That of course is the point. If both a husband and a wife live up to their covenants, they will be blessed to be with their partner forever. If one or both don’t qualify, no bond is in force. Either way, we will be blessed according to our individual merit.

I for one, have never considered a joyous eternity if it doesn’t include being with my wife. I am happy in the choice I made many years ago. Wanting to spend eternity with her compels me to be a better man, because I want to ‘qualify’ for all the blessings that have been promised to the faithful. I think I am a much better husband and man today, then I was 40 plus years ago, because she has helped me improve on my weaknesses.  I am a work in progress. As Emerson wrote, I am ‘becoming like who I am worshiping.’

But for others not so fortunate as I,  the Lord is merciful and will bless each based on their own merits and obedience. Lest we forget, it is through the atonement of Christ,  that we are cleansed as we all fall short. That includes our spouses. Let us trust in the Lord and have faith in His promises and His wisdom when it comes to our eternal happiness.

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